My husband, Jake, handed me a schedule titled “Lisa’s Weekly Routine for Becoming a Better Wife,” inspired by his single coworker, Steve. The list had me waking up at 5 a.m. to cook gourmet breakfasts, working out, doing endless chores, and hosting Jake’s friends—all while working a full-time job. I was insulted, but instead of getting angry, I decided to teach Jake a lesson.

I created my own list titled “Jake’s Plan for Becoming the Best Husband Ever,” outlining the costs of his plan: personal trainer fees, organic groceries, replacing my salary since I’d need to quit my job, and even expanding the house for his friends. The total was a financial nightmare.When Jake saw the list, he was stunned. He realized how unreasonable his demands were. I calmly pointed out that marriage is about respect and equality, not one person “improving” the other. Apologizing, he admitted he’d been influenced by Steve’s misguided advice. We tore up both lists and agreed to focus on being partners, not perfecting each other.